A Metaphor for Life

Alan didn’t feel the brunt of the right hook till he was already staring at the ceiling, his body in a lifeless plummet to the ground. In the fraction-of-a-second flight time, Alan reminded himself of all the cliches that mentioned the fall feeling like a lifetime.

He could swear his jaw was rippling with frantic nerve impulses that told his brain it was over. The jaw could not be saved. Alan thought otherwise. It was not lost upon him that he had begun to talk of his body like it was a separate entity, like he was something bigger than it all.

He fell flat on his back. All thoughts ceased as his brain decided that were more important tasks at hand. A quick diagnostic later, the flood of thoughts hit him. He suddenly became aware of the presence of a huge crowd, the world staring at him. Alan sat up and stared back at them. Were they mocking him? Do they think he is an idiot? They must think he is crazy. He took one look at the Goliath of a man in front of him.

“Yes. Yes, they think I’m crazy”.

His jaw throbbing, Alan stood up.

“The bigger they are, the harder they fall”.

And then, he committed the second biggest mistake of his life, the first being that he got in the ring with a man 6’7, 300 lb beast of a man, in the first place. Alan charged headfirst into the man. The Beast, effortlessly flicked him out of the way in a swift uppercut that rendered Alan airborne again.

“Alright”, he thought to himself. “Brute force ain’t gonna cut it”. He knew that already and yet something in him insisted that he try it anyway.

He got up once again, having convinced himself that he could conquer the monster that stood before him.

Alan was quick to analyse the situation. He figured that such huge bulk would have trouble moving around quickly, so he’d just have to be nimble to inflict any kind of damage at all. So, he ran into the guy headfirst again.

He ended up in the exact same spot as he was in before which didn’t come as much of a surprise to him.

Being of a strong disposition, he got up again. “I cannot keep doing the same thing over and over again”, he thought. And so, he ran into the guy headfirst again.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results, and Alan didn’t exactly need all of his 5 trails to fully comprehend this. And yet, he got up and ran headfirst into the guy again.

The ground seemed softer now. Alan was unsure if it was because his body was now numb to the shock of if the ground was beginning to smoothen out owing to repeated torture. Something had to change, he thought.

He got onto his feet again. The crowd was losing interest now. He was absolutely sure that every last one of them had bet against him. “No matter”, he thought. He would prove them all wrong. He would take down The Beast and would probably have his picture put up on the wall of fame or something. He would come to be known as The Man Who Took Down The Beast; the man from nowhere, the man who didn’t look like much; the dark horse of the masses.

And so, he ran into the guy headfirst again.

“Take your bloated sense of ability elsewhere, asshole!”, somebody from the crowd yelled.

The words hit a nerve. He felt his confidence flickering. “No”, he thought. “I will…I can do this. They don’t know anything about me. I do. And I know I can do this”.

And so, he ran headfirst into the guy again.

“Why do i suck so much?”. He felt the self loathing take control of him. He hated his guts, his face. “Good riddance it’s all beaten up now”, he thought.

And using his hatred of himself, channeling his anger, he ran headfirst into the guy again.

“This is getting repetitive now”, he thought. “I know! I’ll keep running and ducking his blows till he’s tired out. And then he can take his share of blows!”.

So, after an hour of running headfirst into The Beast, Alan decided that being nimble was the way to go. So he walked up to the guy and ducked when he swung. The Beast used the momentum from his punch to spin around and caught Alan square in the ribs with his foot.

“Not again”, Alan exclaimed to himself as he began his downward descent.

The crowd had started to thin. Alan got desperate.

One vain attempt later, the arena lay bleak.

Alan got to his feet once again. He could feel the frustration bubbling in his veins.

“WHY WON’T YOU JUST FALL?”, he yelled.

The Beast grabbed hold of him and threw him against the arena fence. Alan’s knees gave way under his weight and he felt all the life drain out of him. He couldn’t get up once more. He couldn’t find the strength.

“Take me”, he went.

He watched as The Beast walked toward him, slowly and taking all the time in the world to get to his prey.

“I give up”, Alan said, “Take me”.

The Beast’s menacing walk was interrupted as he staggered for a second and fell to the ground lifeless.

The mighty adversary had fallen, but there were non to witness the feat. To the world, he would forever be merely Alan.

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Photo of the Day: 1

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Putting that up at the beginning of the post may have been a bit anticlimactic.

Somebody’d once exclaimed, “I have no idea how to click photos of sunsets. I just point and…well, shoot”. That got me wondering, how do you pull off a good sunset shot? Is driving the shutter speed all the way up, the only way to get the perfect silhouettes?

Playing with shutter speed can get addictive, and on this particular shot, I had to drive it all the way up to the maximum my camera could manage, to get the shot that satisfied me. Perhaps, my choice of surroundings for the subject weren’t exactly the best anyway.

Anywho, it’s day one (again) and it’s the start of something new. Also, i’m putting these up un-edited, so if somebody has advice regarding getting the most out of my shots through certain photo-editing tools, it would be much appreciated.

Keep it sparkly.

Mvs

Something New

HULLLLOOO WORRDDPRESS!!!!!

It’s been far too long since I put up something worthwhile on the blog. I’ve no clue where I want my blog to go. I’ve wanted to take up various projects, but I ended up dropping the ideas as I found them either too difficult to keep up on a regular basis, or they just plain don’t have potential for content (I need something that can last a while i.e to keep me going till I dream up a new project. That is likely to be a very long time (Seriously. I don’t understand how you guys do it)).

I’ve been vacillating between  a self improvement project and a creative writing project. I do some poetry occasionally, but nothing so spectacular that I was dying to put up on a blog.

Here's one I wrote when I was in 6th. Yes, I was looking for an excuse to put it up on the internet.
Here’s one I wrote when I was in 6th. Yes, I was looking for an excuse to put it up on the internet.

This one, I wrote just a couple of months ago.

As it pours down, I think of you

Of how much likeness it bears to you

Like poetry to my ears,

The words you use purify.

 

As the breeze blows

Chills down my spine,

I am pleasantly reminded

Of every moment with you.

 

As the water touches my feet,

The transience of your life

Tranquil terror grips me

And the world falls down around.

 

 

Words like these shall never come to me

For, you have departed from this life

Of mine and missed, you shall be

Crying my heart out every second of the day

 

Time shall heal and yet, that is what I’m afraid of

That the memory of you be tainted

With the filthy glance of time

That you shall disappear like an age old wound

And that a scar, you shall never be.

The poem has an alternate …sort of….well…let’s just call it an alternate ending. I’d written the words but never really found a place to put them.

And I’ve managed

To keep you another day

How long will this be, I wonder

How long before I finally see

Exactly how lonely I am

Without you, what would I do?

 

And So beg the lady in you

To stay another day

And plead your soul

Never to go away

Never to leave my side

 To keep me alive, awake

Now I’m beginning to think the last few lines should be a poem altogether. Anywho……

So. I’m not tremendously good at poetry or writing stories. Which leaves, self improvement. This opens up new domains for me. For starters, I’m not a very good conversationalist at all. I lack the confidence, skill and proficiency with words that people need, to move an audience. I can’t, properly, talk to a single person, let alone address a whole group. So, I was considering taking that up as a project. Perhaps, in the very near future, but for now, I’ve had a different idea.

Sometime in 2013, I’d gone and bought me a new camera. I’d been begging my dad for one, for a considerable amount of time and it took a helluva lot of convincing to get him to give in. And that is the story of how my super zoom, super professional looking camera made its way into my hands. What did I do with it? The first couple of months was rather interesting. I went around experimenting with various settings and learning the workings (atleast on paper). Soon after, I went on a trip to Gir National Park. That trip gave me the exposure I needed to pull off relatively good looking shots, in real life scenarios. You are welcome to a few snippets from my past expeditions with the camera.

This was me playing with shutter speed and exposure.
This was me playing with shutter speed and exposure.
I'll admit, I didn't even notice that auto show model there, till I came home and looked through my photos.
I’ll admit, I didn’t even notice that auto show model there, till I came home and looked through my photos.
Drifting cars. Because who doesn't love drifting cars!
Drifting cars. Because who doesn’t love drifting cars!
GIR!
GIR!

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Please notice the bee. :P
Please notice the bee. 😛

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Here’s how it’s gonna go. I’m going to step out of the house everyday with my camera, and I am going to click one proper photograph a day. It will prove to be a nice change of weather (from the four walls of my bedroom) for me and will also help me get better at something I’ve always wanted to learn to do.

I urge you guys to leave suggestions and tips for betterment of my photography, in the comments. That will most definitely help keep this blog alive, and will keep me from running out of experiments to perform.

This has been a very long post indeed.

Mvs

She Da Man!

This post is dedicated to the three women who have either changed my life, influenced me or are the very reason for my existence. This post is dedicated to the three pillars of my life.

1.) No post that is dedicated to womenkind is complete without one’s mother. She is responsible for literally every fragment of my being, every nuance of my thought process.. She gave my worldview, the slight touch of cynicism and practicality it needed. She has led me by the hand and made me the man I am today. She’s the strongest woman I know. She bears the burdens of married life with a hearty smile. Life hasn’t been easy on mum. She’s had to deal with my dad, me and we don’t exactly simplify her life any. She takes it all, enthusiastically almost, and is prepared for more. Calling her a pillar in my life, is an understatement and I know it. She deserves a blog post all on her own.

2.) My first cousin. She isn’t exactly a woman yet. She’s, in fact, two years younger to me. She’s pretty much a proper sibling to me. We’ve spent the better part of our lives (so far) together and are as inseparable as twins can be.our thought processes could not have been more identical, a side effect of having grown up in similar circumstances. Our identical lifestyles have brought us closer than ever and I can’t imagine a life without her. She’s the only person around whom I can still be a kid. And she gives me a fresh lease on life every time I meet her. Seeing her life unfold, has changed my perspectives regarding my actions. I admire her too. She’s quite the role model to me. She has a plan for life. She has a clarity of thought that I have always wished to cultivate. She’s my pillar for strength of will.

3.) From an emotional standpoint, she’s one of the strongest people I know. She is a role model to me and has turned my life around, since the day I met her. It sometimes gets on my nerves that I need her so much in my life, that I’m so dependent on her considering, she’s potentially the most transient pillar one could have. She’s given a new dimension to my life, one that I could never discount. She has been the thread that ties me to reality, in times such as these, when pressures and stress are as common place as war in the Medieval age. More importantly, she’s been the person helping me through my complexes and without her, I don’t know if I could have found the strength to stand up for myself. She my emotional pillar and I love her like she’s blood. She’s my best friend.

Who said a woman can’t be strong? This reflection in the form of a post has given me a new found respect for the unsung hero(ines) of my life. If my three pillars do end up reading this blog post, I would like to say, your efforts have not been in vain. You have made a man out of me.

Mvs

Day I’m-Gonna-Have-To-Come-Up-With-Better-Titles.

I used to be quite the star of the class as a kid. I developed something of an ego about it too (or so I’ve heard people say). Life humbles you. And so, it happened to me. I moved to a different city, an entirely new setting; made the shift from a growing city, to a full scale metropolis. I had trouble settling down and for almost the entirety of my freshman and junior year of high school, I wouldn’t talk to anyone in my class. I got used to the seclusion, but my heart longed to be noticed by the people in my class. I wanted to shine and gain a rep for being the absolute genius that I am, just so i could be noticed by people around me. That was the only way I knew how to make friends. So, I set too high a target for myself (in terms of academics as extra-curriculars were never really my strong suit) and when I couldn’t meet it the first time around, I started being too hard on myself. Hence began my very long battle against performance anxiety. My grades started slipping. I was still a nobody. And I detested myself. This went on for a very long time indeed. I developed confidence issues and couldn’t deal with the slightest of failures, because I was looking at the long line of failures and disappointments before it.

I hit rock bottom. I’d never talked to my parents about these issues of mine, as I’d just assumed they’d never really understand what I’m going through. A couple of months ago, I began to fail in my examinations. This proved to be jarring for my parents because I was a Grade A student. After several rounds of interrogation, I finally spit it all out. I was mildly surprised when Dad admitted to having similar issues as a kid. This was news to me. I couldn’t imagine my Dad, the confident man he is today, in a weak position such as mine.

Long story short, I’m working on emerging from under my own weight. And at times like these, the smallest of victories are extremely significantly, as it gives you a huge burst of confidence. So here’s my victory for the day:

I gave my first stage performance today. We performed Linkin Park’s Iridescent in the morning assembly at school. It was huge success! I was terribly nervous and had cold feet standing before the entire school. And then I started singing. As the chords on the guitar changed, I began to settle in. The toughest part was the chorus. I noticed the school fall silent as I hit the high notes with ease. I heard my voice reverberate around the school. And then I realized, I was getting my high.

I have never given a proper performance before today, and the only people who knew that I sing are my close friends and my parents, of course (they have to deal with it all day, everyday). I have always hesitated to give performances. I decided that i would take the plunge this time. People loved it. And I feel very good about my self.

Quite possibly the best day in a very long time.

Mvs

Day Does-it-even-matter-anymore.

I realize that a 30 day project does not last 6 months. The last time I blogged was back in May. The only reason I stopped because I didn’t think anybody would even read about my academic life and I didn’t happen to have much of a life besides that. Also, something happened that told me that the 30 day project would no longer be necessary.

Why am I coming back now, you ask? It’s that time of the year again. There is some loss that I have to cope with again and I find no other means of get-away.

I should just title this Day 1 again. We’re back where we started. I’ve realized what I do this for. I’m trying to chronicle changes in my thought process, so that I can come back one of these days and analyze what I’ve done right and what I’ve done wrong.

So, I obviously cannot tell you what happened back in May (privacy and stuff; one’s digital footprint can speak volumes about his/her personal life (I should know, I’ve traced loads of people through their digital footprint, and found things I should having necessarily left buried)). Point is, it was someone very close to me. They didn’t die or anything. I might have died for them. I’ve decided I’ve done enough

and grovelling on my knees and that I need to get on with my life. First things first, my priorities need to be set straight. The aim right now is to get into a good college. I’m in the last 4 months of my senior year of high school and it’s time I revisited my books. I have reports to write, projects to submit, which is all very well because I would really benefit from the distraction right now.

Her best friend told me today, that she(this is a new ‘she’ we are talking about) was over me. Somehow, that seemed to hurt me even more, considering I did just go through the past couple of days telling myself that I was over her. But for some godforsaken reason, I’m still holding on. So, I told myself today that I would just up and go. I’d go somewhere she’d never find me again; someplace so far from her that I could forget she ever existed. I convinced myself that one day, when I do finally meet her again, my life will be so much better than hers, that it wouldn’t even matter anymore. And then it struck me. I’m only 17. I’ve got nothing to worry about. I have my whole life ahead of me and I’m being a teensy little drama queen. People have gone through way worse. So then, I pretended I was talking to her, and told her off like I’ve never told anyone off before. I told her she was dead to me. Her pretend presence seemed very upset indeed, and it gave a huge boost of what I’d call ego, more than confidence. So anyway, I shooed the pretend ex away and lay in my bed listening to slow music. I might have also paid Omegle a visit. I was disappointed, much to my surprise(sarcasm). I don’t know why I even go on there anymore. It must be a Ted Mosby thing.

So, I have this whole fantasy of going overseas for my undergrad. I imagine I’ll meet with geniuses (not unlike myself) and we’d brainstorm something new, something different. I’d get to explore a whole new country; new people (*ahem* of the gentler sex). What I want is a change of pace from my regular school life. I know for a fact that if I picked a college here, in India, my life wouldn’t be unlike what it is now, requiring me to study for the better part of the day, all to beat other 17 year olds in a rat race. Things do get extremely hectic around these parts.

Mvs

Day Nine.

Loner phase initiated. It is that part where you begin to feel all your friends drift away from you. Acting on impulse at this point usually condenses friend circle considerably. Lord knows I’ve been here a couple of times.

My day has pretty much stopped about doing the things I like. Instead, mundane tasks and everyday chores have become more involving ;  to the point where i actually start enjoying them.  They allow me to get away from this world and get me some “me” time.

Monsoon is the best season of all the seasons there ever were. I woke to up to cloudy skies and a grey tinge on everything around me. I love it.

All the studying I’m doing may finally be paying off. I aced a test today and it gives me immense satisfaction just thinking about it.

We are classmates. Run-ins are almost unavoidable. But today, it was different. We co-existed in the same room for more than 20 mins albeit, far enough apart from each other so neither could overhear the other’s conversations. Whenever someone spoke to me, I replied in excited and elated tones giving off the impression that I’m very comfortable in my current predicament. In short, the gesture was supposed to convey to her that I was every bit as happy without her, as I was with.

My workout sessions are going great. I could almost swear I’m losing a bit of the extra flesh I’ve got hanging around me.

School has pretty much claimed my life.

Mvs

Day Eight.

Hallucinations finally set in. I have started seeing her from the corner of my eye everywhere I look. Trust me, that is a terrible situation to be in. Here’s hoping it will pass.

I’ve been on the lookout for a rebound date ever since. Such kinda relationships don’t come by very often. I also start to worry about how the other person will take the breakup and end up shying away from the whole prospect. It’s hard being so bipolar.

I’m officially addicted to House M.D . Hugh Laurie is the awesomest doctor ever! I’ve also been following Suits quite closely. Looks like I’ve got myself the diversion I wanted. Doesn’t actually seem to be working though.

If anybody’s wondering where I’ve been the past four days, the answer is, studying. There is nothing like investing you full mental self into studying up for tests. It takes a lot out of you and helps you forget the unimportant aspects of life. It has been my solace.

You know that moment when you look around your class and you realise that you literally hate half the people in it and you don’t know the other half? Me too.

 

Day Four.

Aren’t best friends the most awesomest things ever? You don’t have to do anything to keep them around. They just are. You never have to explain to them what you are all about. They understand. They don’t need justification for your actions. They accept. At times like these, they are indispensable. @asealskhaki….this one goes out to you (IF you read my blog (I’m pretty sure you don’t))

Day four. Nothing outrageously awesome ever happens in my life. Today was no different. My ‘list’ (whatever that is supposed to be) isn’t ready by any stretch of the imagination. I was thinking of ideas for things I could do to get my mind of the whole situation and i realized that I was already doing what I should be doing.

The trick to easy ‘getting over’ someone, is to indulge in daily, mundane tasks as much as you can. The very pain of performing these tasks should take your mind off the matter completely.

How close am I to the end? Nowhere near it. But that is the whole point of these occurrences. These things take time as every little detail of your short encounter needs to be folded up neatly and tucked away soundly in a deep, dark corner of your head so as to put it to rest.  Freaking out or relapsing at this point will only make it worse as you will  bring these details to the forefront of your already overcrowded head. Reminiscing (I’d made up my mind to use this word atleast once today) will kill it for you and you will break down. I’m saying all this ’cause I’ve been through it. Twice, these 4 days.

You can’t forget him/her? Don’t. Don’t spend too much of your valuable time thinking about them either. They are not worth it. You’d do much better pursuing a better obsession (like breeding cats or something…I don’t know!). Hang in there! You are almost there. Every day you trundle through, you are one step closer to a peaceful mind.

I get the feeling that this is all part of a bigger picture (not some pre-destined fate bullflop but a part of a learning curve). Maybe after a while, all of this wont matter anymore.

Mvs