I realize that this is only the third day and by this time you must be wondering why I don’t think of her more often. I do. Every waking second. It hurts. The only thing I have going for me right now is this blog.
I had initially planned to end my already sucky day with a study marathon. Apparently, Mom and Dad don’t want me to do it. It’s funny huh? Parents nag you to study all day long and when you actually say you are going to study, they deny you the pleasure of acting according to your will. Anyway, I am actually a bit relieved.
One of the few things that I actually enjoy doing, is thinking. I love to think. I love to lay in the dark and slip away in to my own thoughts. In my mind is a world I created from scratch; a place where everything is the way I like it. Everything in its place. I sometimes play out real life events in my head over and over again, doing things a million different ways, looking for the perfect combination of random events. If any of you out there is an actual gamer, you might remember the game, ‘REMEMBER ME’. It feels like I’m playing out one of those memory sequences.
Gaming reminds me. One of these days, I plan to do a gaming marathon with one of my other friends. I’ll let you guys know how that goes.
Rejection changes you in a way you would never have imagined. You look around and you see all the love and it disgusts you. You begin to imagine people drifting away from you, although they might actually be trying to get closer to you. You develop a paranoia of loneliness. Your best friends seem miles away and you want to just let go and cry all the time. You begin to question your every move. You second guess your judgement on every matter. It seems to you that you have taken the wee bit of dignity that you held with you and crushed it with your foot. You look in the mirror and you start to see your ugly mug growing uglier every second. It isn’t pretty. What’s the way out you ask? It is only day three. Let’s see what comes out of this.
I’m sitting here with my eyes barely open. I’m typing but i have no idea what I’m saying. They are screaming after me to go to sleep. I think I might. I need the comfort of My World.
P.S : Just to confirm, ‘My World’ refers to a fantasy world I’ve created for myself, that I drift off into when I sleep. It’s definitely not a Bieber album.